Soft morning dew rests on freshly cut green grass, waiting for the summer sun to evaporate it until the following evening. There is a beautiful parcel of land, fit for a nice stroll with hundreds and hundreds of yards of landscape to look at, so who is the cynic who put a golf course there?

Is there anything more infuriating than the sport of golf? It’s a small white ball that doesn’t move when you try to hit it with a crooked piece of metal, and you’re only true goal is to hit the ball into a hole in the ground in as few swings as possible. What a stupid game.

One of the many fables of the game is the Scottish came up with golf to help them take longer while drinking whiskey. It makes sense, because you would have to be drunk to ruin a perfectly good piece of sheep-grazing land with a golf course.

It’s not incredibly hard to hit a golf ball successfully once, but near impossible to do it consistently – even for the guys who make a career out of the game.

The problem is when somebody hits the ball once successfully, and watches it pierce a bright blue sky, all they want to do is do it again. It has got to be one of the toughest addictions to quit.

I can’t do it. Don’t even want to try; I’m absolutely in love with golf. It’s probably the real reason that I don’t have a significant other. Golf and I are in a long term relationship despite the fact

that the game treats me the same way the best golfer in the world reportedly treats people he is close to.

Last weekend I let golf abuse me again. The Oregon Coast Classic is a tournament my friends and I hold each year. I practice for the event like it is a second full-time job and each year I perform like I should be fired. (At least I’m consistent, right?)

I’m good. I hit the ball relatively far, I putt the ball relatively well and I have a relatively good touch around the green. I should average around five-over-par for 18 holes (that is what a computer tells me).

At the Oregon Coast Classic we play courses in the Seaside and Gearhart areas, courses I should play closer to even-par (that is what another computer tells me). I don’t.

This year, I was 22-over-par for 36 holes, twelve strokes over my handicap. A year ago I was 26-over-par playing what I considered some of the worst golf of my life.

It is more frustrating that I can describe. I consider it a small miracle that I came back to Hermiston with the same number of golf clubs I left with, because a year ago I had all my clubs but they weren’t all intact.

Yeah, golf and I need couples counseling after last weekend. Despite all the frustration, disappointment and significant expenses to play the game, I will never give up golf because I really do have fun even when I can’t seem to do anything right.

I have fun because I know that I’m just one swing away from hitting another perfect shot. That’s what keeps me coming back for more.

And I don’t think golf is going to give me $750 million in a settlement if we did break it off.

Erick is the news/sports director for KOHU/The Q. He is also the play-by-play voice for Hermiston High School athletics. Complain to him at eolson@eotnet.net.