Letter: Planet Earth is not the best alternative

Published 3:00 am Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Two aliens from Planet X were sent into space to find a new home for their tiny planet. Planet X would soon be consumed by a black hole so they had to find a suitable planet to relocate. Their scientists chose 23 possible planets in space. The two explorers were to spend one month at each site and find the best alternative.

Planet Earth was candidate No. 14. They landed in the USA and began to gather data. They had no knowledge of the politics of Earth. They found a beautiful planet with plenty of oxygen, sunlight and water. After visiting the entire country, the explorers were ready to make their report to the Supreme Council. It went as follows:

1) We don’t understand why the Americans choose a leader who is very old, senile, falls a lot, can’t remember so many things, and just makes up facts out of the air.

2) We don’t understand why this country allows themselves to be $33 trillion dollars in debt. Yet they always manage to find money for so many things that don’t matter, thus indebting their own grandchildren forever. They always have billions to give away and often to countries that hate them.

3) In searching the history of Earth, we find these people are constantly at war somewhere in the world.

4) We don’t understand why the USA would open their southern border to millions of illegal aliens who bring in disease, illicit drugs, sex trafficking and crime while these people’s needs and demands bankrupt border states.

Our conclusion for choice No. 14 is that we should not consider Earth for relocation. Their main concerns are greed, corruption and war. We leave for No. 15 tomorrow.

David Burns

Irrigon